


The Pride Parade

by bloodstonepentagram



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Canon Queer Character, Comedy, Fake Episode, Gen, Queer Themes, Typical Night Vale Weirdness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-24
Updated: 2013-10-24
Packaged: 2017-12-30 09:10:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1016781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloodstonepentagram/pseuds/bloodstonepentagram
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cecil recaps the events of Night Vale's annual pride parade. I really have no excuse for how silly this is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Pride Parade

**Author's Note:**

> A conversation about pride parades in Night Vale put this idea in my head. I was planning on publishing it in June, but some...recent events in the fandom made me decide to finish it sooner. This is really very silly. Consider yourself warned. Podfic version currently in the works.

Love will find a way. You have no way to stop it. Resistance is futile. Welcome to Night Vale.

Listeners, today was a special day for Night Vale's grsm community. Yes, it was the annual Night Vale pride parade. I myself was in attendance, along with my wonderful boyfriend, Carlos, and tonight I will recap the events of the day for those unable to attend due to things like hectic schedules, indefinite detention or sudden onset lycanthropy. 

Many of Night Vale's main thoroughfares were cordoned off for the safety of the parade-goers. This caused some inconvenience for those attempting to use public roads and ritual alters. All those who complained about the inconvenience were taken to the city hall's complaints department to air their grievances. Our hearts go out to their families.

The sky was beautiful, clear and cloudless and utterly dark, which was odd, given that it was the middle of the afternoon. Yes, listeners, it seems that the sun has, in fact, stopped working. But, hey, it's probably nothing to worry about. I mean, we can't really expect the sun to stay up in the sky every day, right? Everyone deserves a few vacation days now and again. Besides, why do we even keep eternal flames burning on every corner of every street in our fair city, if not to ward off the cold, dark emptiness of the sunless void?

I attended the parade on behalf of Night Vale Community Radio, which is a supporter of any and all sexes, races, sexual orientations, species, and anyone or anything else willing to pay the bi-annual blood tithes to Station Management.

But, of course, I was not there merely for business matters. Carlos and I had a lot of fun, much more fun than he would have had sulking around in his lab all day like he was planning on doing. I am always telling him that he should try to step outside his comfort zone every so often and try new experiences. Then he fixes me with a deep, withering glare and goes back to whatever science thing he is doing. Scientists, am I right?

Anyway, Carlos and I, once our eyes adjusted to the darkness, had a wonderful time walking around, meeting and talking to our fellow citizens. I sometimes forget that Carlos has been here for such a relatively short time, and that there are so many people he has not yet been introduced to. In hindsight, I really should have warned him about the spirit-eaters, but after I'd talked them into spitting him back out we all had a good laugh about it, so no harm done, I think. 

And now a word from our sponsor, Big Rico's Pizza. This week only, Big Rico's Pizza is offering a special Rainbow Pizza, made from organic, free-range rainbows. See the rainbow. Taste the rainbow. Hear the screams of the rainbow, not quite dead, as it is crushed and mutilated between your unsuspecting teeth. Drop the rainbow, recoiling from it in horror. Watch the rainbow crawl slowly towards you… Flee the rainbow. Fear the rainbow. You must never speak of this again. No one does a slice like Big Rico's. No one.

It seemed like everyone in Night Vale came out for the parade. There were local businesses advertising their wares, bearded mystics delivering prophecies of doom, and charitable organizations taking collections and selling t-shirts. Agents of the International Gay Conspiracy passed out candy and informational booklets to impressionable young children in attendance, while couples of all sorts cheered on the parade, waving and chanting and, in some cases, levitating slightly. 

There was even a rare showing from Night Vale's Queer Tarantula Youth Alliance, who skittered down the pavement, holding signs that were very difficult to read both due to their tiny size and the fact that many of the tarantulas who had written the signs were, in fact, completely illiterate. 

Even the City Council was there, riding at the back of the procession from inside of a solid black cube that hovered about two feet above the ground and emitted an ominous hum. They paused occasionally to roll down the windows of the hover-cube and glare at nearby angels, whose existence they continue to vehemently deny.

Of course, any pride event will attract the attention of at least a few sad, closed-minded people, and today was no exception. A number of warlocks picketed the parade, waving around signs bearing some very ignorant and offensive slogans. 

Warlocks, of course, have long maintained that homosexuals, bisexuals, asexuals, transgender individuals and so on are magical, and that their natural magical auras interfere with warlock magic. This is, of course, ridiculous superstition, and even if it were true, which it is not, then it would not really be all that difficult to perform spells in the vast emptiness of the desert, like considerate neighbors, and not bother those just trying to go about their everyday lives.

Luckily the warlocks were soon discouraged from their protest when the Night Vale chapter of Dykes on Bikes encircled them, staring them down imperiously from atop flaming, skeletal horses and letting out a low, threatening hum. The warlocks dispersed soon after. And it serves them right, those jerks.

[And now, the weather.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XFR5a8UY5ys)

The parade was beautiful, lit by dim, flickering light of the torches and street lamps. The denizens of Night Vale walked together, united by their pride, pride in themselves, pride in their community. I, leaning slightly against my Carlos's arm, was proud as well, listeners. Proud to have such a wonderful, loving boyfriend at my side. Proud to to live in such a wonderful, friendly community, the greatest community in this nation. Proud of Night Vale. Our beautiful and only Night Vale.

And of course, listeners, I am proud to serve as your humble community radio host. I hope that you, too, have something to be proud of today. And if not, I hope that you discover it soon, before it is too late.

Tune in next for the hideous screeching of long-dead animals. And, as always, goodnight, Night Vale. Goodnight.


End file.
